Pick Your Poison
by Sarah1281
Summary: Crowley uses his influence to enact his version of hell a little sooner which makes for a very strange situation when Castiel arrives to pull Dean from hell. Just how much nudging will the Winchesters need to prevent the apocalypse anyway?


Dean Winchester was in hell.

That happened to be literally true but it wasn't what he was referring to at that particular moment. It was kind of fitting, really. He was in hell in hell. The literal hell.

According to a reliable source, (or about as reliable as they came in hell) he had been in hell for thirty years. Thirty years. He hadn't quite made it to that milestone topside.

Thirty years was a hell of a long time. It was also apparently three months for Sammy and every other lucky bastard not in hell.

He wasn't quite sure what he had expected hell to be. He knew that enough time in hell took perfectly ordinary, though sometimes on the dickish side, human souls and twisted them into demons over the years. He knew that, despite the fact exorcisms didn't kill demons, they were often so desperate to not be sent back to hell they'd do quite a bit to avoid it. And being sent to hell in the first place often involved, as it had with him, being ripped apart by hell hounds.

So he didn't really have a clear idea but he was kind of thinking along the lines of all that 24 crap.

Well he was wrong.

So very wrong.

Being dead he didn't need to sleep or eat and his legs didn't even cramp up. In fact, the only bit of physical pain he'd experienced in the last three decades was that time someone had tried to cut him in line and he beat their face in. Not that they hadn't been swinging back just as hard after that first punch but Dean totally won that round.

Because that was what hell was.

Lines.

Endless _endless _lines. He got up to the front once and was told by one of those infuriatingly polite workers that he needed to get into another line to be helped. Another line that looked suspiciously like the one he had just made it to the front of, granted, but what did he know? All lines looked the same, really, and he hadn't seen the back of that line in well over a decade.

He wasn't entirely sure what it was he was waiting in line _for _(maybe to get assigned a torturer or something? Fill out a questionnaire? Get a T-shirt?) but he had been so taken aback by the whole death thing and the demons had been so firm that he had gotten in line pretty easily. And now he had time to think about how ridiculous the whole thing was he was kind of invested. Sure he _could _just leave and try to escape or something (or at least walk around a bit) but he had been waiting in line for literally thirty years. What a waste of time the whole thing would be if he left now!

And he wasn't too fond of demons and he hadn't really interacted with any other than the guy who told him to go stand in line in the first place and the girl who directed him to that other line. Well, that and that one weird British demon who showed up to glare at him and call him a tosser for punching what's-his-face. But was that _really _Dean's fault? None of the other demons seemed to care.

Slowly the line advanced and Dean shuffled forward.

* * *

Michael hid it well but Castiel could tell he was confused.

Castiel was also confused. They all were. This was quite the unexpected development.

They had been informed that the Righteous Man had been dragged to hell the moment that it had happened. One week ago, someone had discovered that the demons planned to get the Righteous Man to shed blood in hell and thus break the first seal keeping Lucifer in his cage thus starting the Apocalypse. Or starting the pre-Apocalypse, at least, if one chose to view the starting of the actual Apocalypse as Lucifer being freed. There was much debate in heaven about what constituted the technical beginning of the Apocalypse and all Castiel knew for sure was that he would rather prevent them both.

Once Michael had been informed of the demon's plan, he mobilized all of heaven immediately and very soon they were prepared to lay siege to hell the likes of which had never been seen before. It was quite an impressive army, if Castiel did say so himself, and he was impressed at how quickly Michael had been able to organize it all.

There was just one thing, one tiny thing, that had been bothering him.

The Righteous Man had been killed three months ago. They all knew that. The apocalypse could only begin (or begin to begin) when the Righteous Man shed blood in hell. Even if the demons had not been intending to start the apocalypse, surely just being in hell would – sooner or later – lead to Dean Winchester shedding blood. Everyone tortured somebody sooner or later and a hunter who had not only beaten a crossroad demon but killed the previous king of hell would undoubtedly get special attention, his status as the Righteous Man aside.

So why was it that, knowing what was at stake and wishing to prevent Lucifer's return, Heaven had only come to Dean Winchester's rescue after he had spent thirty years in hell?

His superiors had their reasons. They had to. They were the good ones, the ones who had stood with their father against Lucifer long ago and ran Heaven for Him.

He did not understand but that was nothing new.

_Faith_, he reminded himself.

Castiel had never been to hell personally but he knew the stories. And while stories could be exaggerated he had a difficult time understanding how what he was seeing could ever, by even the most gifted liar, become the complete and utter nightmare he had always been told hell was.

Perhaps this cream-colored hallway was merely to guide people to the actual hell? He could not see the point but then he was not a demon. Maybe it served to get people to lower their guard before the real torture started.

There was a demon in front of them, certainly, but it was only the one. He looked to be expecting them.

"This is Hell," Michael said. It wasn't quite a question.

The demon nodded. "Oh yeah, yeah. I know what you were expecting to see. I guess you haven't heard. Ever since Azazel went and got knocked off, Lilith's made a few changes."

"I can see that," Michael said, glancing around.

"Right, right, you've been here before," the demon said, nodding. "Well, you know what they say. The world's a-changing and you've simply got to keep up."

"Who are you?" Michael demanded.

The demon nodded again. "Ah, yes, mustn't forget to introduce myself. The name's Crowley."

"The King of the Crossroads," Michael said.

Crowley smirked. "Ah, so the great Michael's heard of me, has he? Excellent."

Michael narrowed his eyes suspiciously but apparently couldn't find any insult in that. "I make it my business to know the basics of Lucifer's realm."

"Is it really _his _realm, though?" Crowley asked. "He's been locked up since well before my time."

"He will one day be free," Michael replied. "And all of this will be his."

"Right but that's _one day_. And while I, of course, am eagerly counting down the days you lot want it to never come."

"It will come when it is meant to come."

"At any rate, while Lucifer's, shall we say, _busy_, Lilith reigns and this is how we're doing things these days."

"I just don't see _why_," Michael said, confused. "Torture always suited hell perfectly well before."

Crowley raised an eyebrow. "Surely you're not _complaining _about the downswing in torture?"

"Of course not," Michael said, affronted. "I just wouldn't trust a demon if my life depended on it and since the old system seemed to work perfectly well for your purposes I want to know why you would change it."

Crowley shrugged. "The old system did have its moments, I'll admit, but honestly it was so time before he'll break and start torturing himself. That doesn't make him a demon, far from it. Then his own torture sessions has to be supervised and the souls he's torturing have to be carefully monitored as well for breakage and the whole thing is just a nightmare. Oh, we've got people who will do it and gladly but Lilith's got plans and they don't involve so much waste."

"So what's the alternative?" Michael demanded.

Crowley grinned and waved a hand. The walls immediately became translucent and they could see the souls of the damned slowly plodding forward in a line that seemed never-ending.

"I…don't understand," Michael confessed.

"Simple enough, really," Crowley said. "Another problem the old system had was all the sadists and masochists. A lot of the people coming here were one or the other – or both – and so they got off being tortured or torturing and that's simply no way to break a man. Queues, though? Everyone hates queues."

"So hell is now just one big line?" Michael asked skeptically. "And that's torture. That will turn people into demons."

"Well the system is still new," Crowley cautioned. "But yeah, it seems to be working out alright. We haven't had time to have someone become a demon entirely through this process but those that were close when they put down their scalpels and joined the queue have turned or are still turning."

"Really."

"Believe me or not, it doesn't matter," Crowley said. "Its hell so it's not really your jurisdiction and if we've truly all lost our heads and decided to just annoy but not torture them then isn't that better for you?"

Michael didn't appear to have anything to say to that.

"But you didn't come here to talk to me, you came here for Dean Winchester," Crowley said conversationally.

Michael's wings extended and he raised his sword. "Yes."

"Well you can have him."

Michael faltered. "Excuse me?"

"It's part of the new, more practical hell," Crowley explained. "Look, we take deals very seriously down here. And the deal was that Dean Winchester would be torn apart by hellhounds, if he did not meet his death sooner, no less than one year after his brother was restored to life. His soul would be dragged down to hell. All of that happened."

"Then why are you so eager to let him go?" Michael demanded.

"You misunderstand," Crowley said. "It's not that we're _eager_. The terms of the contract have just been fulfilled. We said he had to come down here, it was never part of the deal that he would become a demon or even that he had to stay down here. If he found a way to escape five minutes after he died the terms of the contract would still be met."

"That's…magnanimous of you."

Crowley shrugged. "It's business; you can't afford to make it personal. Not that we're just letting people leave, what kind of hell would it be if we did, but Dean Winchester is clearly different. For some reason, the host of heaven wants him either in heaven or – more likely – back on Earth. You'll get your way eventually, I'm sure, so while we could tie you up for a few years why waste the time? No, better not suffer an invasion and just give you what you came for."

"And…you're _sure _this is Lilith's wishes?" Michael asked incredulously.

Castiel couldn't blame him. He was finding this just as difficult to believe and was only glad that the task of trying to sort out what was happening and extract Dean Winchester were not being left to him.

"If it's not then clearly that's my problem not yours and you should count your blessings, take the kid, and run," Crowley suggested. "Or were you hoping to have an epic clash of good versus evil to save his soul? Because, you know, I'm down for pretending we did."

Michael gave him a long-suffering look. "We cannot just _pretend _we waged a lengthy and righteous battle and finally emerged victorious."

Crowley nodded sagely. "Ah, right. Too many witnesses. I'd bet you the humans would fall for it, though."

Michael just shook his head. "Castiel?"

Castiel jumped. "Yes?"

"Follow this Crowley," Michael instructed. "Find Dean Winchester and restore him to his body. Report of your success then make contact with him. If there is any subterfuge we will know when you do not report back by tomorrow and we will deal with it appropriately. But…Crowley is right." The words looked almost painful.

"I usually am."

"There is no need to sacrifice the lives of our brothers if the forces of hell are willing to just _give_ us what we want."

"I will do as you command," Castiel vowed.

Michael nodded then, in a flutter of wings, he was gone. A heartbeat later and Castiel and Crowley were alone.

"So," Castiel said, beginning to walk off. Castiel hurried after him. The last thing he wanted to do was to be left alone in hell, even this strange new non-torturing one. "Castiel, huh? You must be some kind of a big shot."

"What makes you say that?" Castiel asked. He was not entirely sure what that was but, given the context, he could guess.

Crowley snorted. "Well you're the one chosen to charge into the depths of hell and bring back the only little soul that has ever been salvaged from the pit."

"It is a great honor."

"Please. Angels aren't big on honoring the meek and humble. If they sent you then there was a reason."

Castiel felt his temper flare. "And what, exactly, do you know of angels, demon?"

"I've never met one before today, I'll concede it, but some of my kind have come into contact with yours and lived to tell the tale. Quite interesting stories they've got, too, particularly Lilith," Crowley. "But come, don't take offence! It wasn't a compliment."

"A compliment by the likes of you is no true compliment," Castiel said with certainty.

Crowley shrugged. "Fine. Be that way then."

They continued to walk in silence.

Eventually, Castiel just had to ask. "Without the threat of punishment over their heads – or is there that threat? – what is keeping all these souls waiting so orderly?"

"You'd be surprised at humanity's instinct to queue up," Crowley said simply. "We haven't had to threaten anybody, haven't even had to tell them what it's for. I imagine they think that they're actually going to get to the front of the line one of these days and then hell will actually start."

"Is there no front of the line then?"

"No, there is and truthfully it's quite a popular position," Crowley replied. "It's just they're told that they need to get into a different line for their paperwork to be processed and then sent back to what turns out to be the same line. And they do. Every time."

"And the demons who are exorcised and sent back here?"

"Well, they know what's going on," Crowley admitted. "Or at least pick up on it faster than this lot. I suspect that some of the quicker ones have worked it out, actually, but what else are they supposed to do? I don't pretend to fully understand the-the _psychology_ of it all but you can't argue with results."

"So then why do the demons wait in line as well?" Castiel pressed. "Or are they tortured?"

"Oh, they're tortured alright," Crowley said, grimly satisfied. "Tortured with the queues. You lot clearly don't have queues in heaven if you don't appreciate just how brilliant a thing this was to introduce to hell."

"We don't, no."

"Your loss. Or not as the case may be. The demons have to wait in the queues, too, or else they won't be allowed back up to Earth or at least into the rest of hell," Crowley said. "It's not that different from when they all knew they'd get tortured if they were forcibly sent back. Well, more _traditionally _tortured."

"And in your new torture-less hell, how exactly has Dean Winchester spilled blood?"

Crowley stilled and it occurred to Castiel that perhaps he had said too much. But he needed to know. He knew he would wonder about it forever if he did not and asking Dean himself might not go over very well and he could not risk sabotaging his relationship with the Righteous Man for his own curiosity.

"Funny you knowing about that," Crowley said. "Damnedest thing. Someone tried to cut in line right in front of him. Dean…didn't react well."

"What did he do?"

"He just punched him in the face. We broke it up pretty quickly but there was blood shed."

Honestly, Castiel wasn't sure how to feel about that. It wasn't what he had always imagined when he thought about the first seal being broken by the Righteous Man shedding blood in hell. And in the old hell, it wouldn't have been it. In the old hell, somebody somewhere would have been tortured. And properly tortured, too, not whatever madness Crowley was spouting. And it was not as though he had ever wanted for the Righteous Man to suffer, he had bitterly regretted that it was fated, but he had known there was no avoiding it. Now…it just seemed a little…_petty _for Lucifer's cage to begin to crack open because the Righteous Man was waiting in line and did not want anybody to get in line in front of him. Technically blood was spilt but…_surely _this was not what they had meant when they had made the prophecy in the first place!

There was nothing to do now but follow his orders, locate Dean Winchester, and restore him to life.

"Not very professional, I know, but the system is new. This kind of thing _never _happens," Crowley assured him.

That wasn't what Castiel had been concerned about but he nodded anyway.

At last, Crowley stopped in front of a man who was humming something and not looking at them.

"Ahem."

The man, the Righteous Man, Dean Winchester looked over at them. "Here to insult me again?"

"I'm afraid I really don't know what you're talking about," Crowley said smoothly. "You have a visitor, Dean."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "A visitor? You can get visitors in hell?"

"Not usually but, well, you've just got to go with the flow sometimes."

"Huh."

"Well if that's all, I'll be going," Crowley said. "I trust you can find your own way out."

Castiel nodded.

Crowley turned to go and then stopped and snapped his fingers. "Before I go, I should probably tell you that you should absolutely kill Lilith. It's a brilliant idea and will in no way break the final seal and unleash Lucifer himself upon an unsuspecting world. Really. Trust me; I'm a demon."

With that he walked off, whistling something.

Castiel and Dean exchanged mystified glances.

"Okay, do you have _any _idea what that means?" Dean demanded.

Castiel shook his head. "I do not. On the face of it, it sounds like he is telling you that you should not kill Lilith because killing her would break the final seal and start the apocalypse but, as he himself said, he is a demon so he is hardly trustworthy. And why would a demon warn us about starting the apocalypse?"

"You're seriously going to have to slow down here. Seals? Apocalypse? No, wait," Dean said, shaking his head. "Go back further. Who the hell are you and why are you here to visit me?"

"I am Castiel. I am an angel of the Lord."

Dean stared at him. "There's no such thing."

Castiel had not expected to be disbelieved. "Yes. There is. And I am one."

Dean rolled his eyes. "You can't just say that you're an angel and make it so! _I _could say I'm an angel."

"You could," Castiel agreed. "But it would not be true."

"_Exactly_."

"The difference is that I _am_ an angel."

"Yeah, forgive me if I'm finding it a little difficult to take that on faith," Dean said. "You might not be one of us, I can tell that much, but this is hell. You're probably some kind of demon."

Castiel let the shadow of his wings show.

"Some kind of winged demon."

"Why are you finding it so difficult to accept what I am?" Castiel demanded.

"Difficult?" Dean repeated. "Dude, you declared yourself an angel like two minutes ago. If you think that's me being difficult then I can tell you right now that this is _not _going to be an easy however long you intend to be in my orbit."

Perhaps Dean was right. He knew far more about humans and belief in angels than someone who had never had to doubt the existence of his own species.

"Dean," Castiel said patiently. "You are a hunter. You are a dead human in hell surrounded by the souls of the damned and demons. You have faced down vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and countless other supernatural entities. Why do you have such a difficult time accepting the existence of angels?"

"Well to start with one of these things is not like the others and it's not just that angels don't really belong in a horror movie like everything else does," Dean said. He paused. "Unless, I guess, we're talking angel of death but that's really not the same thing, now is it?"

That Castiel did have an answer for. "Reapers are angels."

"No they're not because there are no such things as angels," Dean insisted. "I may believe in vampires but I don't believe in Time Lords. I'm not one of the 'well if one thing is real everything must be real' kind of guy. Look, I know that monsters things are real. I've never had to take it on faith because I've lived it. I've never seen any trace of angels. If angels were real, why have I never encountered one?"

"Why would you have?" Castiel countered. "We have not been on Earth in thousands of years. It was forbidden to interfere."

"As opposed to what you're doing now," Dean said. "Or is being in hell cool?"

"Things are changing," Castiel said. "But, as you requested, I will get to the apocalypse in a minute. Until very recently, there hadn't been much demonic influence on Earth either and our mission was to protect humanity and resist Lucifer and his demons, not to lay ghosts to rest or kill vampires."

"Well in case you hadn't noticed, demons have been wandering Earth for a while. Nice job with them."

"It wasn't time yet," Castiel said. "Do not presume to question the judgment of heaven."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. So why is 'heaven' getting involved now?"

"It was discovered that Azazel's plan was to free Lilith. Lilith's plan was to break the seals. She-what are you doing?"

Dean looked confused. "Nothing. What are you talking about?"

"You just moved forward."

"Well yeah," Dean said as though it were obvious. "The line's moving. I have to move forward."

"You don't."

"I kind of do. Someone might try to take my spot if I don't," Dean said. "And it's just common courtesy, you know? I'm in line, the line moves, I move. Pretty simple."

"Why are you even still standing in line?" Castiel asked. "I am here to save you."

"That's new," Dean said. "And you say that but I've been waiting in line for literally thirty years. There's no way in hell I'm leaving it until I'm absolutely sure that I'm not going to need to go all the way back to the back."

"From what I understand, you've already gone all the way back to the back. That's what happens when you reach the front of the line."

"No, it's a different line," Dean said stubbornly.

"But…" Castiel trailed off and decided to not argue the point. It didn't matter in the end so long as Dean came with him. Technically he did not need Dean's consent to save him but it would make their future relationship easier. "When I raise you from perdition, there will be time to accept the truth about me."

Dean snorted. " 'Raise me from perdition', huh? Well, tell you what, _Castiel_. You raise me from perdition and I'll believe whatever you damn well want me to."

Castiel peered closely at Dean. "You do not believe that I can do that."

He was almost affronted.

"I don't need to believe it," Dean reasoned. "You'll either prove it or you won't."

Castiel reached out for Dean. "Very well."

Dean stepped back then glared at the man behind him in line. "Don't even think about it."

"I don't understand," Castiel said. "You said to prove it to you. I need to grip you tight in order to do that."

A strange expression crossed Dean's face. "That's an, uh, interesting way to put that. But I'm not ready to go anywhere with you. Not yet."

"I understand you want more information," Castiel said, nodding. "But, Dean, you are literally in hell. Is there really anywhere I could take you that could be worse?"

"Well you could always take me to a lower level of hell," Dean said. "Maybe one that has some actual torture going on."

"I wouldn't."

"I'm just supposed to take that on faith?"

"Yes."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Look, man, just tell me why you've decided to get me out of here and not any other poor SOB?"

"You are a righteous man," Castiel told him. "You are _the _Righteous Man."

Dean stared at him for a few seconds before chuckling bitterly. "Right, pull the other one."

"Pull the other what?"

"I…never mind," Dean said. "Dude, I'm literally in hell. I've killed people. I've drank and slept around and pulled enough credit card fraud that the IRS would _never _let me go if they knew. Hardly my definition of righteous."

"But you fit heaven's definition," Castiel said. "You spent your life devoted to saving people and risked your life to do it. You died, knowing full well what the consequence would be, to save your brother."

"Okay, fine, I'm not a complete monster," Dean agreed easily. "But are you really saying I'm the most righteous man here? The woman in front of me sold her soul to cure her daughter's cystic fibrosis."

Castiel nodded respectfully at the woman who had turned around when Dean mentioned her. "That is admirable. Still, heaven needs you and it is not my place or even your place to question it."

"Needs me to do what?" Dean asked. "Just go around being super righteous?"

"The apocalypse has begun," Castiel declared. "Or, rather, it has begun to begun."

Dean took a moment to absorb that. "Is, uh, is there any particular reason _why_?"

"Yes," Castiel said. He thought of telling Dean that he had started the apocalypse by spilling blood in hell. Surely he would find out eventually. But it wasn't his fault, truly. Well, perhaps he could have spilled blood in a less petty way but once the demons knew that the angels were coming they _would _force Dean to spill blood before he could be rescued. And somehow he got the impression that Dean would not be able to properly focus on the apocalypse and stopping it if he were focused on his part in beginning it. But destiny was destiny and if it was destiny that Dean began and would end the apocalypse then it could not be his _fault_ surely.

If he let it, that would lead to questions about how responsible Lucifer was if the devil was also part of destiny but it truly did not matter. His fault or not, Lucifer needed to be stopped and any sort of theological issues were beyond him.

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Care to share?"

"There are over six hundred seals keeping Lucifer in his cage. If he is released he will undoubtedly attempt to destroy humanity. That was the crime that finally landed him in the cage in the first place and I do not imagine that this long imprisonment has softened him any," Castiel said.

"Six hundred seals, huh? That's kind of a lot," Dean said. "How urgent an apocalypse are we talking here?"

"Only sixty-six need to be broken," Castiel said. "That makes it difficult to stop them from being broken as we need to divide our efforts and guess which ones will be targeted. Lilith has begun to break the seals and, while heaven is fully prepared to battle Lucifer if necessary, it would be for the best to prevent the seals from breaking in the first place. Even should heaven win, and I believe it would, the death toll would be…significant."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, yeah, it's better to keep Lucifer in the box. I get that. But I just…do you _really _need me for that?"

Castiel frowned, puzzled. "I do not understand. Are you refusing to help save your world, Dean?"

"Of course not! I just don't see _why _you need me."

"You are the Righteous Man."

"You said that," Dean said, nodding. "But what does that have to do with stopping the apocalypse?"

"I…do not have all the details," Castiel admitted. "But I do know that the Righteous Man is the only one who can stop the apocalypse."

Dean let out a low whistle and looked a little ill. "The only one, huh? So no pressure."

"It is destiny, Dean," Castiel said reassuringly. "Destiny means that you cannot fail."

"I'm not so sure about that," Dean muttered. "But it's a nice thought."

"I believe your experience as a hunter may aid you in this," Castiel continued. "Particularly as the demons are breaking the seals and they will need to be fought before there is any discussion of seeing Lucifer himself."

"And according to that one demon, we shouldn't kill Lilith because doing so will break the final seal."

Castiel nodded slowly. "Yes. But, being a demon, he is highly untrustworthy. And it could very easily be a ploy to convince us not to kill Lilith and thus allow her to break all of the seals."

"I'm not saying trust this guy," Dean said. "But he _could _just not want the apocalypse and so want to make sure we don't accidentally break the final seal."

"But he is a demon. Why _wouldn't_ he want the apocalypse?" Castiel asked, mystified.

Dean shrugged. "Maybe he doesn't think his side will win. Maybe he has more fun with whatever he does now than whatever's waiting for him if Lucifer wins. You're an angel who believes heaven will win. Why don't _you _want the apocalypse and paradise on Earth?"

"Because Lucifer rebelled against our father and it is my responsibility as an angel to oppose him and his demons," Castiel answered promptly.

"Right, well, maybe he has his reasons. Maybe this is a trick. You should probably look into it one way or the other," Dean said.

"I will do so," Castiel said. "You're right, we need to take every possibility into account and we do not want to make a mistake. Not with this much at stake."

He held out his hand again.

Dean hesitated and looked at the line which was moving forward again.

"_Dean_."

"The demons are really just going to let me go?" he asked. "They seemed pretty keen to get their hands on me once."

"I asked Crowley that actually," Castiel said. "He said that the terms of your deal were that you went to hell not that you stayed there."

Dean looked incredulous. "And you believe him?"

"No."

"Then what-?"

"The heavenly host was at his doorstep," he said. "Perhaps they did not want to start a fight over this when they knew that eventually we _would_ retrieve you."

"Then why bother working so hard to get me in hell in the first place?" Dean asked.

"From what I understand it was not hard," Castiel said, side-stepping the question. "Someone who was not even a demon killed your brother. You would have agreed to die right when you kissed the crossroad demon to restore your brother to life. Once the deal was made it was no more challenging than any other crossroad deal even if Lilith decided to be present at your murder herself."

Dean looked around again then set his jaw. He took Castiel's hand.

* * *

"No, I _don't _think you get it, Dean!" Sam was shouting. "If you were you wouldn't be telling me to back off."

"Look, Sam, I know what it's like to lose a brother-"

"Except you _don't_, Dean," Sam interrupted.

"How can you say that?" Dean demanded. "You died in my arms, Sam."

"Yeah and that sucks. But I was dead for, what, a couple of hours?" Sam asked rhetorically. "Then you sold your soul and it was like nothing happened. I had to live without you for three months Dean. And I didn't have even the hope of you being in heaven. I knew you were burning in hell and that nothing was ever going to change that. If it had been different, if I hadn't known you were in hell, then maybe I could have…but I did."

"But it's _over_," Dean said, running an agitated hand through his hair. "And Lilith may have been taunting me but I made that deal. Those hellhounds would have come for me Lilith or no Lilith. You can let it go."

"That's just it, Dean. I can't."

"You want to talk about how ridiculous it is that you're putting avenging my death above me, your miraculously alive brother?" Dean asked.

"I'm not putting anything over you!" Sam exclaimed. "You're the one who's freaking out because I want to go kill the goddamn queen of hell! Who, by the way, is trying to jumpstart the apocalypse!"

"I'm not freaking out and you hid this from me! You wouldn't have done that if you didn't know it was wrong."

Sam laughed mirthlessly. "I wouldn't have hidden it from you if I didn't know if you'd freak out, you mean. And, contrary to what you seem to think, there's a difference between what you approve of and what is right."

"Sam, ingesting demon blood is what started all of this in the first place," Dean said, not quite pleadingly. "It wasn't your fault but yellow-eyes feeding you demon blood got mom killed and dragged us into this life in the first place. It gave you those powers and made them want you as the boy king of hell. It got you _killed_, Sam, and all those other nice people we met. Remember Andy? And Ava? She was such a sweet kid before they took her."

"That's exactly it, Dean," Sam said. "I can't change the past. I can't rid myself of the demon blood."

"You can not make it worse."

"But what good will that do? We tried killing Lilith your way. It didn't work. And Ruby, whose demon-killing knife it was in the first place, knew it wouldn't work and really thinks that this way might."

"So we're trusting Ruby now?" Dean demanded.

Sam's jaw worked. "Yeah. We're trusting Ruby now."

Dean sighed. "Look, Sam, it's not even that I don't think you, in theory, could kill Lilith like that."

"Then what is it?" Sam asked. "You just don't think I'm strong enough? Is that it? Because I am, you have no idea. And I'm getting stronger with every exorcism."

"And every pint of actual blood you are swallowing and _damn _can I not believe that doesn't freak you out more," Dean said, shaking his head. "But since it clearly doesn't and this isn't' about the gross-out factor anyway…maybe killing Lilith isn't such a good idea."

Sam stared at him. "Dean…Lilith is the queen of hell."

"That she is."

"She killed you. She was _laughing_."

"Uh-huh."

"She tortured that family."

"Yep."

"She killed Henriksen and those other people at the police station."

"I am aware."

Sam glared at him. "Then are you also aware that she is trying to break the sixty-six seals and start the apocalypse and she's really really good at seal breaking?"

Dean considered that for a moment. "I would have to be aware of that seeing as how I'm the one who told you about it."

"Then, if you think I could do it and this isn't about me not being strong enough, what possible reason could you have for not wanting to kill Lilith?"

Dean coughed.

"_Dean_."

"This is going to sound a little stupid," Dean stalled.

"I can handle a little stupid," Sam said.

"When I was in hell I met a demon who told me that killing Lilith would break the final seal," Dean said. "And Cas hasn't been able to confirm that that's not true."

Sam was silent for a minute. "So we're not trusting Ruby but this other random demon is cool?"

"Damn it, Sammy, this isn't about trust!" Dean exclaimed. "But don't you think that the possibility of Lilith's death being the last seal is important enough that we rule it out before killing her?"

Sam made a face. "Why would a demon want to stop the apocalypse?"

Dean just gave him a look.

"Well, other than Ruby but she's already proven herself."

"I'm starting to question whether she even wants to stop the apocalypse," Dean said. "Maybe she actually wants to start it and that's why she's sending you after Lilith."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Now you're just being ridiculous."

"Hey, all I'm saying is it makes more sense than a demon just deciding she wants to help out humanity. Has she actually explained why she stopped being evil or anything? Because you know she wouldn't literally be a demon if she weren't evil at some point during the process."

"And you would know because you've been to hell," Sam said.

Dean nodded. "Damn straight."

"This would be the hell that you keep swearing up and down that you don't remember?" Sam asked.

"I remember that part."

Sam nodded. "And about the demon."

"And about him."

"Dean, you are so full of it I can't even," Sam said. "How am I supposed to take it seriously when you want to get on my ass about lying to you and Ruby when it's pretty obvious that you remember hell and you won't talk to me about it."

Dean shifted uncomfortably. "There's really nothing to talk about."

"You were in hell for three months, Dean! Of course there's something to talk about!"

Try thirty years.

It wasn't like Dean didn't remember. Of course he did. And Sam knew he did. There was really no reason not to just admit it. Chances are what Sam was imagining was much worse than the truth anyway.

And yet…

How exactly was he supposed to tell his little brother that he sort-of started the apocalypse by shedding blood in hell? And that, more to the point, it wasn't that he was tortured until he broke and picked up the scalpel himself or whatever Sam probably thought. No, he was just waiting in line for literally thirty years and got pissed when some asshole had tried to cut him and punched him in the face?

That was…that was just beyond pathetic.

And it was true.

And Sammy, despite all his demon blood and talk of hunting Lilith, was looking at him like he had just kicked his puppy because he wouldn't tell him.

Dean shook his head. "Fine. I remember. I won't lie anymore. But I'm not going to talk about it."

"Dean, look, you can't just shoulder this thing alone. You got to let me help," Sam said earnestly.

"Thanks for the offer but no. You wouldn't get it. So…no. Sorry."

* * *

Dean was quietly fishing out on a dock and that had happened just often enough in his life for him to be sure that this was a dream even _before _Castiel appeared behind him. And, sure, he often did that when Dean was perfectly conscious but not as often as he showed up in Dean's dreams.

Not that he told Sam about that. He didn't need the grief.

"We need to talk."

Did Castiel have any idea what it sounded like when he said things like that?

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

"It's not safe here. Some place more private."

Was that almost an emotion in his voice?

"More private?" he asked. "We're inside my head."

"Exactly. Someone could be listening."

Dean did turn to look at him then and he looked more haggard than Dean had ever seen him. But then, aside from the hair that just refused to behave as though Castiel had gotten intimately acquainted with an electrical outlet, Castiel had always looked perfectly put together. Now he looked like he was in some actual distress. That couldn't be good.

Never mind the fact that apparently there was the risk of people eavesdropping in his head. Castiel was okay, for all he had never bothered asking either, but he didn't want one of the dick angels (and all of them seemed to be dicks, even Castiel, but the one who had pulled his ass out of hell had kind of grown on him) barging around in there.

"Cas, what's wrong?"

In response, Castiel reached inside his pocket and pulled out an honest-to-God _note_. "Meet me here."

This could be about anything. All Dean knew was that it was important and it was secret.

"Was he right about Lilith?"

"Go now."

Then he was gone.

And that wasn't an answer which made it kind of answer in and of itself, didn't it?

Dean looked up and Castiel was gone.

Another moment and he was awake.

It was the middle of the night but this was _important_.

He roused Sam, who looked like he was hung-over despite the fact that his brother was all about responsibility and alcohol moderation and didn't get hung-over, and they made their way to the car.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on now?" Sam asked. "Angel business? What kind of angel business?"

"I don't know," Dean admitted. "But Cas said it was important and he was being all secret and said to meet him now."

"I don't like this."

"I don't either," Dean said. "And Sam…I asked him if what's-his-face was right about Lilith."

Sam stilled. "What did he say?"

"That's just it," Dean said. "He didn't say anything."

Sam gave him an impatient look. "That's not a yes, Dean."

"He said he couldn't talk, that we might be being watched. I asked him if he got confirmation about Lilith being the final seal. If the answer was no he would have said so. Like if I had asked him if he had defected to Lucifer's side I'm sure he would have stopped everything, given me one of _those _looks, and said no before leaving."

"I'm going to need to hear it from him," Sam said stubbornly.

"Well that's where we're going."

"Even if it is true, we can still kill her before she breaks the 65th seal, right?" Sam asked. "It might even be better that way as that way she can't be the _last _seal. If it does have to be the last seal."

"Maybe," Dean agreed grudgingly. "I'll want to run it by Cas first. And what makes you think she'll even show up before then for you to kill?"

"Well she did before," Sam said.

"Yeah and she said something about knowing she wouldn't survive this, didn't she? Makes sense what with her being the final seal and all. Otherwise what was she even talking about? Being killed by Lucifer? Why would she want to free him if she was in fear of her life from him?" Dean asked. "Mind you I don't really get why she'd want to free him if her death is the final seal either but those are demons for you."

"Ruby can't possibly know," Sam said suddenly, apparently coming around on the idea. "She just can't. She hates Lilith and all the demons hate her. She can't possibly be helping us all this time just so Lucifer can rise. It doesn't make sense."

Personally Dean thought it made a lot of sense. If Lilith had to die and they were dead-set on Sam being her killer for some reason, he needed to hone his demon powers. He couldn't do that without a demon guide and he'd need one he could trust and that meant Ruby had to play nice. But Sam didn't want to hear it and he had no proof he was even right. He was but Sam wasn't going to just take his word for it any more than he had in the past.

"Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't," Dean said diplomatically. Or at least he thought it was diplomatic. Sam looked like he was bracing for a fight. "It doesn't matter. Ruby _can't _know, Sam."

"And why not?"

"What's the point in telling her?" Dean asked. "The more people know that we know the bigger the chance of it getting out. I'm not exactly suggesting we tell everybody we know who doesn't happen to be a demon either."

"She deserves to know if we're not going to kill Lilith after all given that's what she signed up for," Sam protested. "And after everything she's done for me, it wouldn't feel right to keep training to kill Lilith if suddenly maybe we're not even going to do that anymore."

"Look, if we get the green light from Cas to kill her before she breaks enough seals then Ruby never needs to know we were ever thinking about doing anything different," Dean reasoned. "And if she's really on our side then she'll understand why we can't kill Lilith because we want to keep Lucifer locked up in his box. Either way, telling her won't help anyone and it will just make her worry. And if you're wrong about her-"

"I'm not."

"But if you are. We can't afford to risk it."

Sam frowned but didn't argue.

* * *

If Dean had had any doubts about Ruby being completely evil then they were long gone by now.

Not that he had ever really harbored them in the first place. Maybe for all of five minutes back when Ruby was blonde and abrasive and not having a thing with his brother. Back when she let the walls drop for just a second and became vulnerable and, God help him, he had believed her when she admitted she couldn't save him but remembered what it was to be human.

But she was a demon and he never forgot that and he hadn't had another moment of doubt about how untrustworthy she was since the time he left her behind in a devil's trap on his way to go find Lilith.

It all started when Sam had _somehow _gotten out of the panic room and knocked Bobby out and took off. Then when Dean had found Sam (like he didn't know his brother well enough to know he would pick the opposite of things Dean would look for and find him that way) and he was with Ruby he had perfectly reasonably tried to kill her.

Sam wasn't having any of that and they'd be on the verge of coming to blows when Sam offered to let Dean come. Dean really _really _didn't want Ruby there but then Sam had promised that he remembered what they had agreed about Lilith and Dean knew that he had to come. Ruby might convince him to kill her otherwise and then where would they be? The fact he still wanted to smash Sam's face in and gank Ruby wasn't worth dealing with a whole damn apocalypse.

Ruby hadn't been happy Dean was there and made a few pointed comments about Dean holding Sam back and Dean knew that he wasn't going anywhere.

Then they kidnapped the demon nurse who was cooking babies or something and, though she gave them the information they needed, the plan was for Sam to drain her. She decided to let her host have control in the hopes it would make Sam less eager to kill her.

Ruby, naturally, was all for it. Sam didn't like the idea but agreed to stash her in the trunk just in case and that, more than anything, was freaking Dean out so he snuck in an exorcism just to remove any temptation. Besides, no sucking down the demon nurse meant that Sam literally _couldn't _kill Lilith and start the apocalypse so that was those bases covered. The nurse was going to need a lot of therapy, though, once they finally got her out of the trunk.

Sam had played his part beautifully. He had pretend to try and fail to kill Lilith then panic and flee. Lilith, laughing, pranced after him and walked straight into Dean's devil trap. She was currently sulking but at least she was being quiet about it.

Ruby…not so much.

"Look, you're being ridiculous," Ruby was saying. "You can't keep her locked up here forever."

"I know that, Ruby, but we'll think of something," Sam said tersely.

"I can't believe she's even still here. It's not that hard to crack a ceiling or a floor and bust up a devil's trap, you know. It's how I got out right before Lilith possessed my vessel that one time you left me to rot," Ruby said.

"We can't kill Lilith," Dean said. "We'd just start the apocalypse. And she's trapped for _now _so I think we're good."

"That angel of yours didn't even confirm it would start the apocalypse, though!" Ruby protested. "You said he just didn't answer when Dean asked and I don't know why he even thought that in the first place. And then when you talked to him again he wouldn't answer you."

"It is kind of suspicious, though," Sam said slowly. "If the answer was no why not just tell us?"

"Sam, listen to me, we've been working so hard for this! It's been more than a year! And we're so close. This is all I ever wanted and for a long time it was all you ever wanted, too," Ruby said entreatingly. "And now you're going to throw it away and for what? Dean's crackpot theory?"

"I can't risk being wrong here," Sam said.

"What if you're wrong not to kill her?" Ruby challenged. "You know she'll get out eventually and that angel of yours isn't exactly picking up the phone."

"I…" Sam trailed off, looking uncertain.

"You shut up," he told her. "We've made our decision and you're not helping."

"Neither are you! Let's just leave her here forever is no way to neutralize her! Sooner or later she'll break out and if you don't kill her then she'll kill you. And honestly, Dean, you wouldn't last five minutes against her. Again."

"Well isn't this a surprise," a new and entirely unwelcome voice sounded.

Dean spun around and, yep, it was the asshole who had apparently murdered him so many times Sam had lost count.

"No," Dean said sharply.

The trickster raised an eyebrow. "No?"

"No we do not have time for your bullshit right now." He gestured at Lilith. "We've kind of got a situation over here."

The trickster glanced over at her. "So I can see."

"We could use your help, actually," Sam said.

Dean stared at him. "Seriously?"

"Are you seriously going to say you have more of a problem with me going to him for help than Ruby?" Sam countered.

"Hey!"

Dean turned to the trickster. "How do you feel on the topic of Sam consuming demon blood?"

The trickster blinked. "Personally I'm against it. Why?"

"No, I guess not _more _of a problem," Dean said. "Though at least Ruby never killed me. Thousands of times."

"Hey, I brought you back despite the fact I actually had nothing to do with it that Wednesday," the trickster said. "And it's not like I let you stay dead. Or even remember any of it."

"Well Sam does," Dean said, jerking his head Sam's way.

"And Sam wants me to help with this."

"And Sam is right here and can speak for himself," Sam said, annoyed.

Dean happened to glance Lilith's way and noticed, to his surprise, that she had absolutely frozen and was staring at the trickster with wide eyes. Huh. Guess he'd gotten around to harassing the queen of hell at some point, too. That…didn't even surprise him, actually. But it did make Sam's suggestion sound slightly less insane.

"And what does Sam want to say then?" the trickster asked.

"Can you help us?" Sam asked. "Sixty-five seals have been broken and we're like 95 percent sure that killing Lilith will break the last one. But Ruby's right that we can't hold her here forever and we don't know what else to do. We really don't want the apocalypse to start."

"Well I was going to just sit this one out," the trickster admitted. "Apocalypses aren't really my thing and I do _not _want to deal with angels right now. Or ever."

"So why are you here?" Sam asked.

"I said I _was_ going to," the trickster replied. "Once Lucifer's out the whole thing's kind of pointless, really, and it's going to end bloody for all of us. But he's not out yet. And if you play your cards right he won't be out for a very very long time."

"We don't want him out _ever_," Dean said.

"Well tough," the trickster said. "Because if we don't kill her, which we can't if we don't want it to start now, then eventually she's going to die. Maybe it will be another million years but it will happen. But, good news, then it won't be your problem and this world was never supposed to last forever anyway."

Dean and Sam exchanged a quick look.

"We'll take it," Dean said.

"So you'll help us?" Sam asked hopefully.

The trickster shrugged. "Sure, why not? I'm rather fond of this world and you did all the heavy lifting anyway."

"You can, I don't know, seal her up for good or something? Throw her in another dimension?" Sam asked.

The trickster snapped his fingers. Lilith disappeared.

"Done and done," he said brightly. Yeah the apocalypse was put on hold indefinitely now but it was still strange how Dean had never seen him this happy. He was almost bursting with it. "You're welcome and don't say I never did anything for you."

"So, what, killing Lilith really was the final seal?" Dean asked.

The trickster raised an eyebrow. "You're the one who started all of this and you don't even _know_?"

"95 percent sure," Dean said, glaring at him.

The trickster just shook his head, looking amused. "Then let me be the one to make it 100 percent. Congratulations, boys, we just cancelled the apocalypse. Or at least rescheduled it for some time far too far away for it to matter today."

"And the angels can't just bring Lilith back?" Sam asked. "We know at least some of them are on Lucifer's side."

The trickster snorted. "Please. Sam, I'm a professional."

"Hey, Ruby, are you okay?" Sam asked suddenly.

Dean, not particularly caring, hadn't noticed anything was wrong but now that he looked over at her he saw she looked devastated.

"I-it's nothing," she said, forcing a smile. "I just had my heart set on seeing Lilith die is all."

"Me too," Sam said sympathetically. "But it's not worth starting the apocalypse."

"I…I have to go," Ruby said. "I just…bye."

She opened her mouth and black smoke emerged and quickly vanished.

"Demons," the trickster said disgustedly, shaking his head. He walked over to Ruby's abandoned vessel and poked it with his foot. "They never even clean up after themselves."

"Look, Sam, if you're going to make me agree with the trickster instead of you about Ruby then I'm not going to be happy," Dean said.

"She's upset, Dean, and I get that. It's okay," Sam said.

"You know who else is upset?" the trickster asked rhetorically. "Cindy McKellen."

"Who?" Dean asked.

"Trunk lady." The trickster snapped his fingers. "Or rather, was trunk lady. Now is in bed sleeping and hopefully believing all of this to be a bad dream lady. Damn am I in a generous mood today. I might not even kill that serial adulterer after all."

Sam made a face. "Don't ruin the moment by reminding us about how you kill innocent people."

"Did you not hear the part where I called him a serial adulterer?" the trickster asked. "The people I go after? They ain't innocent."

"They don't deserve to die, either," Sam said firmly.

The trickster rolled his eyes. "Please. You were _this _close to killing poor Nurse Cindy."

"But I didn't," Sam said smugly.

"That does remind me," the trickster said thoughtfully. "Being as I am in a generous mood and you, against all expectations, _didn't _break the world, I'm going to do you a favor." He snapped his fingers.

"What did you do?" Dean demanded, instantly suspicious.

"Just saved your brother a little detox. I've seen that kind of thing before and it didn't look pleasant." He glanced upwards. "And now…I've got to go. Don't think I'm above trapping you in a series of Lifetime movies the next time we meet." He snapped and was gone.

Less than a minute later Castiel appeared.

"Dean," he said, looking stunned.

"And I am also here," Sam announced.

"You did it. You stopped the apocalypse. How did you…what happened to Lilith?" Castiel asked.

"Trickster stuck her in another dimension or sealed her up or something," Dean said, shrugging. "We didn't exactly get the details."

"That was quite unexpected," Castiel said. "And yet you did what you set out to do. You wanted to stop the apocalypse and you did. I knew my faith in you was not misplaced."

There was something he wasn't saying. And no mention of the last time they had seen each other when Castiel was refusing to answer any of his questions about Lilith (but hadn't denied what that demon had said about her) or the time before when he had nonsensically declared he didn't serve Dean. Since when had he _ever _served Dean?

"Your bosses aren't happy, are they?" he asked shrewdly.

Castiel looked away. "They didn't expect this either. Lucifer not being freed is a good thing, of course, but…it is a bit of an anticlimax."

"What, do we think the angels were pro-apocalypse now?" Sam asked skeptically.

Dean shrugged. "I don't know. But there has to be some reason I had to hear about the final seal being Lilith from a demon and Cas clearly found out at some point and now won't confirm it."

"Dean, I can confirm that the final seal was Lilith's death."

Dean rolled his eyes. "No shit, Sherlock, and it's a bit late to be telling us now."

"I do not know what you want from me."

Well that was easy. He just wanted the old Castiel back, the one who was going to warn him about Lilith before heaven had abducted and tortured him back into obedience. He wanted to reach him again without risking another torture session. He wanted to know that Castiel would stick around long enough for him to try. Maybe he'd even stop looking at Sam and seeing an abomination. The apocalypse was cancelled. Maybe it was time to dream a little bigger than he had been doing.

"Mostly I want to know what happens next," Dean said. "The queen of hell isn't dead but she's gone and she won't be back for quite some time I don't think. The apocalypse might happen eventually but not any time soon. All of hell's grand plans have come crashing down around them. What's next for us?"

"I…don't know," Castiel admitted. "Heaven is in a bit of an uproar right now. No one saw this coming. A simple trickster banishing Lilith…it shouldn't be possible."

"We did trap her first," Sam said.

"Still…"

"Well if your conspiracy theory is right, Dean, I wouldn't put it past them to try and restart the apocalypse," Sam said. "Can they even free Lucifer without Lilith?"

Castiel bristled at that. "We're not _trying _to start the apocalypse. And no, not to my knowledge."

Dean believed the second if not the first and even that didn't mean that there was no way, just that Castiel hadn't been told. But then he hadn't been told a lot, had he? He hadn't known about Lilith until fairly recently.

"All of that can keep," Dean decided. "We just saved the world, Sam. What's the first thing we're going to do?"

Sam grinned. "Go to Disneyworld?"

"Go to Disneyworld," Dean confirmed. "Maybe detour in Vegas, I don't know."

"I'm pretty sure it's not actually possible to detour in Vegas when we're going to Florida," Sam pointed out.

Dean smirked. "Watch me."

Sam groaned good-naturedly but didn't protest.

He headed towards the door and paused in the doorway, glancing behind him.

Castiel hadn't moved.

"Are you coming or what?"

Looking a little bemused, Castiel followed after them.


End file.
